I thought I wanted closure. I really thought I wanted it. Isn't that what everyone wants. We all want to know the whys to the end of relationships. Why things didn't work out? In life it doesn't always work that way. Sometimes we don't walk away from relationships peacefully. Why do we long for closure? Does it really make everything better or does it make things worst? I wanted closure so badly from my ex boyfriend because I believed it was important. It took me a while to understand that I could not always get the answers I wanted when trying to make amends after a relationship ended.
After years had past, I finally decided to have a conversation with him. I wanted to know why he treated me so bad? What did I do? Did I deserve to be treated badly? Was there something wrong with me? Was I not a good girlfriend? I wanted to know why our relationship took a turn for the worst. I was blaming myself for the way he treated me. Why do we blame ourselves for how people treat us? It is not our fault that people treat us badly, but we blame ourselves all the time. I talk to a lot of women about relationships and majority of them blame themselves for men treating them bad. I never got the closure I was looking for from my ex boyfriend. He blamed me and told me that I needed to get him help when I seen how messed up he was. I was like really. I was suppose to get you help for hurting me. It was my fault. At that moment I knew that I was not going to get any closure from him.
He truly did not believe he did anything to me. So I carried the hurt from him on in my life. I don't like confrontation. I like talking things out and working things out with people. I didn't want to start over with him. I just wanted an apology. All I wanted to know was the answers to my whys. Sometimes in life were not always going to get our whys answered. I had to learn how to accept that. As a child when you do something wrong to someone, you say sorry, and apologize for doing it, and you move on. As an adult when someone does something to you, you get over it and you move on because adults don't always apologize.
Learning how to accept this is understanding that you do not have control. I wanted these answers so bad and I wanted to know the whys. I wanted to know why did I allow myself to lose control and be vulnerable with someone who did not deserve me. I wanted the whys answered so I wouldn't feel bad inside for allow someone to take full control over me. I lost myself. We lose ourselves by giving our all to people that do us wrong and it makes us upset, angry, and disappointed in ourselves. I had to learn that people are human and sometimes they are going to do things to make us mad. They are going hurt us and we might get blamed for their actions. They are human. Closure to me is finishing a chapter and starting a new one, or reading a new book after finishing one.
6You might open that book again just for reference but we don't always read it again because were too busy starting new books or chapters in our lives. I didn't need my ex boyfriend to tell me that he did me wrong. I knew my story and I didn't need a narrator. I had to close that chapter because it wasn't going to help me be successful in my future relationships. If I allowed that chapter of hurt to stay open, it wouldn't be fair to my next boyfriend. So remember today that not everyone is going to give you the closure that you need. We don't always get the answers we want when we do receive it but we have to remember that only we know our story and all the things that effected us. Don't let an unfinished chapter cause you to not begin another one. You are the author to your life only you get to decide what chapter is not finished.
"You have to accept that some chapters in our lives have to close without closure. There's not point and losing yourself by trying to fix whats mean't to stay broken."-Unknown